30th Oct, 2010

Treasuring Tragedy

There we were, finally in the doctor’s office for our first official appointment for our fourth baby. We were so excited to learn more about everything.

Our kids so looking forward to having a baby.

We’ve enjoyed joking about our “geriatric” pregnancy and treasured the faith God raised up in us to go for an addition to our family.

Tara was beginning her twelfth week. But in seconds the doctor knew something was wrong. Not only had Tara been spotting all week, but what she initially saw on the ultrasound was a smaller baby. She left us alone with our fears to go get an ultrasound probe.

During the 8th week of Tara’s pregnancy – because she volunteers at the local Pregnancy Center – we got to see the heartbeat of our baby. It was thrilling. And because of that we began to let people know our exciting news. As it turns out, God blessed us with one look at our baby alive just before he or she died. The doctor confirmed today that the baby likely died in that 8th week of pregnancy.

In a moment, everything changes.

In a moment, dreams disappear.

In a moment.

Moments of finding the perfect stroller, shopping for a car that will fit a family of six, learning the gender of the baby and buying cute clothes and toys and preparing a nursery.

Going to Target will be harder now, every time we walk near the baby aisle.

The doctor told us that she thought the baby’s due date would have been May 13th. That’s Tara’s birthday. It will be good to remember on that day, not that we won’t remember every day.

But, even in that moment and the moments after we are reminded of God’s incredible goodness and grace. We have so much to be thankful for and lives to treasure. We have a family that is close and who desires to know God. We have three beautiful children who are on an adventure of life, love, laughter, and joy. We know that God’s plans are always better than our own and we trust Him wholeheartedly. We are like trees planted by the living water; we have no reason to fear and trust that God will make us fruitful!

Responses

Bryan, I am so sorry. I didn’t know that had happened. Prayers for continued peace for you all.
.-= Reba´s last blog ..Sneak Preview =-.

We are praying for you all. Amen to the last paragraph. It ministered to us. We love you guys.

so sorry dear ones – our hearts go out to you. We look forward to giving each of you a hug soon. God is the best comforter as you know we love you and our prayers are with you. Love LeeAnn and Duane

Hi Byran, it has been awhile since I visited you site, but tonight the Lord led me to it. It grieves me deeply to hear that you and Tara lost your unborn child. The loss of a loved one is a very difficult thing to work through. But the loss of a child whom you were not even able to hold in your arms has to be devastating. How are you and Tara handling it now, several months later?

I pray the Spirit of peace upon you two. I pray that the Lord will give you a time of healing. I pray that He will give you the strength to make it through this very, very difficult time. If you would like to write me, my e-mail is hilbertcliff@yahoo.com

I don’t know you, but came to your site looking for a picture of Jesus praying for my blog post today on prayer and following Jesus’ example of regularly meeting with his Father in quiet places/lonely places. I’ve prayed for you several times today after reading this post. Are you all ok? I noticed you haven’t blogged for awhile.

Praying for you in the midwest. Gloris (that’s not a typo, that’s my name 🙂 )

Gloris,

Thank you for your concern. I am doing wonderfully, as is my family. I simply haven’t made blogging a priority for over a year now. I used to blog quite regularly, but my attention to that occupation of my time greatly decreased in 2009.

I have thought about restarting with a new blog on a few occasions and am praying about that.

Blessings to you – I hope my words also were a blessing.

There are no adequate words, so I will offer none.

I will, however, offer you my silence… one that considers with you these questions and feels the emotions they bring up. And with you, I’ll take them before God and rest in His arms.

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