I have an ear infection. I haven’t had one since I really can remember what the pain was like, apparently. About 8:00 this morning the pain started. Sometime this afternoon the eardrum ruptured. I can’t explain the amount of pain I am currently experiencing, and nothing helps it subside, even though I am lying on a hot water bottle and filled with ibuprofen. If you could see me now you would see that I have a tissue between my ear and the water bottle to catch the oozing and I have a tissue in my nose for the same reason. (Sorry to be so vivid, but it helps illustrate what God is teaching me.)
Why am I typing while lying here in bed? I don’t know; I could say that it beats just sitting here thinking about how much pain I’m in. Actually, it is because God spoke to me once I got over being pitiful for myself. Through that I realized how often I’ve “cared” for my children while they were sick, but I really wasn’t that compassionate toward their pain. I know their Mamaw would say so of me. Probably their Grandma and Mom as well.
As I prayed in self-pity, asking God to help me, I felt like He said “why don’t you ask me why you are sick so that I can actually teach you something.” So, I did. He then said, “Think of all the times you have glossed over the hurts and pains of your children and remember how you feel now.”
Oh, God, forgive me for believing the lie that it is always important to play the tough guy role. Please give me the grace to be, humbly, the man you’ve created me to be – a loving husband, a loving father, and a loving friend to all – a man after Your heart. May I be so much more than a man who is like the castle below – a secure, but also a cold and hard place for my family. Thank you, Father, for loving me enough to teach me through this difficult time.